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WealthMoney can't buy you happiness ... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
-
Spike Milligan<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa GaborMarriageBy all means, marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates<><>
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante<><>
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor RooseveltChildrenSometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.
- Lillian Carter, mother of Jimmy Carter<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Joe NamathAgingI don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal<><>
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty . But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller<><>
HealthI never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar & fat.
- Alex Levine<><>
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain -<><>
And the cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out.
Author Unkown<><>
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns
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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield<><>
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain<><>
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
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