Sigalovada Sutta: Advice to Sigalaka

Received the email:

what's the definition of a good friend:

"The friend who is a helper, The friend through thick and thin, The friend who gives good counsel, And the compassionate friend; These four are friends indeed, The wise understand this And attend on them carefully, Like a mother her own child. The wise endowed with virtue Shine forth like a burning fire, Gathering wealth as bees do honey And heaping it up like an ant hill. Once wealth is accumulated, Family and household life may follow. By dividing wealth into four parts, True friendships are bound; One part should be enjoyed; Two parts invested in business; And the fourth set aside Against future misfortunes."

Not an enemy disguised as a "friend"...
"The phony friend who is all take, The phony friend of empty words, The phony friend full of flattery, And the reckless phony friend; These four are not friends, but enemies; The wise understand this And keep them at a distance As they would a dangerous path."

******************

My response is:
There is no enemy: our greatest enemy are our five aggregates, if we can perceive everyone as our Bodhisattva, there is no enemy.

---

"SHOULD I CHANGE TO PLEASE EVERYONE?"

I wrote a short note to my friends through email.

Beverly said that my message was too blunt.

So I reply with half joking, half seriousness: it is my habitual tendency, "SHOULD I CHANGE TO PLEASE EVERYONE?"--- that's my existential quest for today...

Beverly wrote back: " Well, I was making fun of you because I thought it was cute.
When you are the eldest of 5(or 6?) siblings and the mother of 5, you 've got to be "blunt" to get things done around the house!"

Anthony commented: "Which message was blunt? I guess I am so used to your bluntness that I don't notice anymore.

There are a few questions to raise your doubt:
SHOULD I CHANGE TO PLEASE EVERYONE;
IS IT DESIRABLE TO PLEASE EVERYONE, OR ANYONE;
SHOULD EVERYONE MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO PLEASE ONE ANOTHER;
these are some of the questions to ponder."

I felt so good to have friends that you can tease one another with...

----

Great news from Sue...

Sue wrote:

Dear friends:

Great news. My mom had very steady improvement last night and this morning that Doctor decided to take out the tube in her mouth. This is the tube that made her most uncomfortable and miserable. We are so relieved that the tube is moved. Today She continued to make progress and did 20 minutes of physical therapy. She is still quite weak but is much better than previous days. If she continue to improve steadily she will be moved from ICU to regular ward in a day or two.

Thank to you for your emails, phone calls and prayers. I am sure my mom's quick improvement is because all of your dedication and prayers. I really appreciate from the bottom of my heart. Some of you I never met before are also pray for my mom. Thank you so very much for your kind heart. I will keep you posted.

Gratefully,

Sue
--

Loving Sue's mom...

Dear All:

For those of you who remember Sue, and for those of you who has not meet Sue yet, let's send our blessings to Madam Lee for her speedy recovery...

Thanks

Best of Wishes
Lung Zhi
(Let's fill this world with love and blessings)


Sue wrote:

Dear friends:

As I mentioned to some of you earlier that my mom was going to have heart surgery to replace and repair her 3 heart valves because of severe calcification due to old age. With some twist and turns she finally had the surgery operated by a renowned heart surgeon at University Southern California Medical Center last Friday. The surgery itself went very well fortunately. However she is experiencing some complication right now therefore is still being kept in ICU (Intensive Care Unit) for differents treatment (one of them is lung infection which is under control as of now, the other one is minor stroke which causing her not being able to move one arm and one leg - but with rehab later we hope she will recover ). Because of her old age she is not recovering as normal speed of a younger patient. It gets difficult for us to see her suffering with all kinds of tubes attached and not able to speak (tubes in her mouth to help her breathing). However I am using my Buddhist practice, doing the best I can to handle all the up and down situtions. I would like to ask you to send my mom a good wish or prayers for her recovery. I would appreciate your help very much.

My mom's name is Mrs. Li Ou Lee (李麗娥）(Li as in beautiful - Mai Li ; Ou - the Chinese character is woman on left side and me on right side). She is 88 years old. Prior to the surgery Doctor said if she go through this surgery fixing her heart valves she should be able to live to 100 years old. All her life so far she has been pretty healthy until now. We are very hopeful.

Thank you all for your kindness and prayers!

Gratefully,

Sue

Sense of humor

There is something in Anthony that can always make me laugh from the bottom of my heart.

The other night, while I was reading his email, I laughed so bad that my daughter from the floor below me asked me if everything was okay, as it was one o’clock in the morning.

He wrote:

"Therefore, I want to hereby declare my firm belief in human love lest someone might think I am a cold turkey.

Signed: A somewhat less unromantic guy.”

I do not know it is his sense of humor, my sensitivity or our chemistry. Whatever it is, I always had a great time at the encounter.

My benevolent dharma friend

A benevolent dharma friend called me yesterday as a surprise. We have not been talking for a while as we have no common ground in our lives besides learning Buddhism. We both started learning Huayen Buddhism years ago at the same time. She is the most diligent practitioner I personally known. She used to call me in the middle of the night and we would talk for hours on our practice, the quest for existential Turth or our small realization.

She does not own a computer, does not watch television and has only dharma friends. She applies her practice twenty-four hours a day. She observes inwards and contemplates on the arising of consciousness. I am her opposite. I spend many hours a day in front of the computer and in doing worldly activities. Every time she talks to me, she reminds me to put my priority into Shamatha and Vipassana.

On our last phone conversation, one of the insights that I have gained is: “Through diligent practice your benevolent dharma friends will show up around you and friends that have bad influences on you will gradually disappear.” People with the same vibe attract each other.

The friendship between she and I is not close, but deep. We talk the same language. She is one of the few persons that I can have a profound dharma discussion with. She makes my Bodhi Path not so lonely. Her response to my comment will be: “Let go of all friendship too! Who am I that is clinging onto friendship?”

A zen story

Anthony wrote to me:

There is this Zen story about So Dong Po. The Zen master wrote about him,

'So he claims not to be moved by the eight winds,
But a single fart blows him across the river.'

Times of disappointment are good opportunities to observe yourself, to learn about yourself and make yourself stronger and wiser. So what is it that we are attached to?

There is a supplication prayer that says:

Non-attachment is the foot of meditation as is taught,
To this meditator who is not attached to food and wealth,.....
Grant your blessing that I have no attachment to honour and gain.

Devotion is the head of meditation as is taught,
To the meditator who always supplicates you,
Grant your blessing that genuine devotion is born within.

Non-distraction is the body of meditation as is taught,
Whatever arises is fresh, the nature of realization,
To the meditator who rests simply in naturalness,
Grant your blessing that meditation is free from conception.

Being unattached to the highs and lows of human follies is a pre-requisite for practicing the dharma. So you should be happy you had a chance to make a contribution and when the opportunity arises again you will be ready.

The story of So Dong Po did not end there. In a spark of insight, he said to the Zen master, ' I had enough of your fake dharma, So Don't Bo-ther me.'

After all, the world still turns and the toilet still flushes in a counter-clockwise direction (an insider joke among Beverly, Anthony and me).